well now...lol...i had a dream *again* last nite and i dreamt about me flying...whoo~ it was really fun and exhilirating...lol...i was kinda like a superman (minus the ridiculous outfit...lol) and i flew around helping people in trouble...lol...or actually is there's people who wanna kill me i just fly to escape...lol...i remember i was driving a train...then a bus...then after i woke up a bit...i remember i smiled then went back to sleep...lol...then i dreamed about something i've dreamt before...same sequence same people...same pattern...about flying too...and some trouble with love and some movie production or something...lol...kinda fun actually...haha...
but anyway...that's not what i wanna write about now...after having that dream i sorta had a clue about how i want love to be like...well...my favourite passage from the bible from Corinthians stated very clearly there:
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
i remember i once wrote before...i guess this is what i want...
it is not forced...
it is not born out of pity...
it grows with time and it will never die...
it is Love...
had some sorta inspirations last nite...lol..the more we love...the more beautiful we become...both inwardly and outwardly...XD
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Now I Know...
sad sad...
oh...look at me here again so soon...this means i still haven't found a job yet...zzz...and why? i dunno...mebbe i'm too picky...but duh~ juz dunno where to start looking...anyone any idea please help me...
today...my heart is telling me that i'm still a bit sad but i'm gonna be alright soon...haha...someday all of this will be just a memory and i know i'll just look back with a smile and say 'hey...i've learn something here...'...but why does it have to be like this...=(
oh shit...i forgot to put my fb chat offline and now my dad knows i tou tou online at home...how i know? zzz...'cuz he just asked me to do housework...zzz...hell...
please let something fun and exciting happen to me this holiday!!!!!!!! yeah i'm wishing with all my heart something nice will happen...please please please...
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
today
weird dream again last nite...zzz...dun wanna talk about it...
just realised something lol...wow i can online almost everyday starting this year...XD...if it's something that's changed this year i'm glad it's this...haha...
anyway...today...planned to wake up early but in the end woke up 9 something...zzz...lie in bed for a while tried to figure out the confusing dream but gave up in the end...lol...after washed changed play piano for a while then changed again went out eat...my sis went da kiong to find work asked eddie where to ask...he said 3rd floor so we went up my sis go ask i go look at the vintage collection...lol...found out that most of them contain at most 14.5% alcohol...and i've found one that's Brown Brother's merlot which costs rm59.00...lol...and hallo ricky...the two bottles u gave are just sparkling juice lol...no alcohol contents...haha...nice bottles though...thanks guys...XP...
anyway after my sis went ask mommy came up but too late she finished filling the form so we went back my sis sulked 'cuz she filled wrong...zzz...went home everybody angry i went straight to bed sleep again lol...my sis watch tv before going out again and mommy cook for us...
after another zzz dream mommy woke me up said it's time to eat so i went eat then she asked me want go office 'cuz i'm alone at home...lol...i dun mind actually but i can online so why not...went to my piano teacher's house gave her the hamper as thank you present then came here online...lol...
zzz...why am i recording down everything that's happened...haha...mebbe i'm too bored i guess...zzz...just now when i went to my teacher's house she asked me what i wanna do now...i said go find work eh then she asked me want help teach piano lol...i said no no no...i dunno how...then she asked me am i scared of kids...lol...i said no...then she said want become baby sitter opp her house got one kindergarten or sth like that just open...lol...i said dou okay lo...but i was thinking...me? looking after kids? as in...a nanny? lol...let's see how it turns out...she said she'll help me ask...haha...
oh well...nothing more about today but if there is i'll update again 2ml...lol...
lol...can i cope with this?
Monday, January 4, 2010
dreams
a song from Cinderella..."a dream is a wish your heart makes..." or from the Lizzie Mcguire movie..."i've got somebody to love...this is what dreams are made of..." ...mostly about dreams...and i can tell you i'd had plenty...
these days kept on dreaming...and in my dreams i'm always confused about something...and i woke up thinking how weird is everything...lol...last nite i dream again...about all of us at skool...like before stpm exam...we're all at the library...i was wearing a long jacket and i bring along my teddy bear with me...zzz...hide it under my jacket...and when somebody saw it...they all want one too and go to a room in the library take out all the teddy bears...zzz...what was that all about? dun ask me i'm as clueless as you...lol...
oh well...woke up kinda early these days...still not used to not having skool? haha...i dunno leh...woke up and i started thinking...mebbe i should stop dreaming now...or should i say continue to dream...but it's time for me to face reality too...stop hiding in my dreams...it's time to stand up and face life...it's time i stop being silly and uncertain...it's time to wake up and live and experience...even if it means i have to peel off all the protective layers i have made for myself all these years...even if that hurts the hell outta me... ...
yeah right..easier said than done...everybody knows that...but i have no choice...i'm gonna be a fighter and i won't give up...just see...
and when i'm tired...mebbe i'll go to sleep and dream for a while...'cuz in there...i've found my sanctuary...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
...
today...morning woke up feel sleepy again...zzz...went to Cathedral for 8.30a.m. mass...after mass went to Farley for breakfast and aiai for a while...then went home...
my sis online...i slept for a while after she finished my turn...lol...read all my last year's posts...what can i say? except that i've laughed, cried, hated...etc...lol...live my share of life and i'm not complaining...haha...felt terrible after my nap but after i read through my posts felt considerably better...XD...will i have another full year like that? lol...this year's barely started and i've had my share of probs piling up high...haha...oh well...parts and puzzle of growing and i'll just have to grind my teeth and say i can do it...=P
okay...let's start with a new myself post eh? lol...
me? i'm 20 yrs old this year...still tall, skinny, same brown eyes and same black + brown hair...although it's shorter than last year's...lol. unlike any other 20-yr-olds in my circle...i dun own a driving license 'cuz my dad did not allow me to sit for it before and now i'm just contemplating whether to do it...and unlike most of my friends too, i've never been in a relationship before 'cuz i was kinda scared about the whole thingy and it's too complicated for me...i remember i once told someone before...if you tell me you like me now then i'll start to avoid you...lol...yeah...it was that bad...but now? dunno leh...let God decide for me who's best for me...XD
okay lol...that aside, about my goals in life. What i wanna be? damn it's a question i always avoid 'cuz i dunno what i wanna do...dunno before, still dunno now...i know i'm useless dun blame me...i remember mr sim once said to me 'you know what? the word u used most i think is DUNNO, 不懂'...haha...i think so too...
anyway...zzz...i dunno what to write now...lol...it's such a hard topic...
oh yea...my hobbies are still the same though...play piano, sing, read, watch tv, spend time with the ppl i like, make things...etc...nothing about me that's changed much really...
oh well...i guess it's enough for this time...haha...dunno what i should write anymore...
ppl out there...lol...same thing as last year - wanna know more about me? read my last year's posts and continue on this year too...XP
for those who read it all last year and starting this year...thanks for your support even though i dunno it...haha...(zzz...i feel like i'm giving a speech while receiving an award...lol)
okay...i should stop before this gets any more weirder...lol...
adios mi amore...c ya soon...XD
You
You're always there for me...
in times of sadness...
when i'm happy...
when i'm in trouble...
in hard times...
You love me for who i am...
even when i did something wrong...
even when i fail miserably in life...
despite my weaknesses...
You helped me be a better person...
by giving me lessons...
by teaching me...
by showing me how to live...
I love You, Jesus...
there is none like You...=)
zzz...yesterday was okay despite everything...and the play was not meant to be funny...=.=...but oh well...it's over and i'm glad...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
today
woke up sweat a little...who turn off the aircon zzz...
feel nervous about tonite!!! can i please not act in the play? help help help...i dunno what to do i can't even remember the script how can i act and remember my scene at the same time...zzz...and i'm supposed to be the main character!!! zzz...well...at least i know i can't be an actor for a living...lol...but gosh~ i really wish something good will happen tonite...if not...lol...just embarrasment and humiliation facing me ahead...not a good thing to look forward to...zzz...
Friday, January 1, 2010
Birthday
today...well...starting from the beginning? okay...i was asleep in bed 00:00 today 'cuz i hv to go to church early today...received lotsa sms wishing me happy new year and happy birthday lo...so in the end i sleep at 'bout 3.00+a.m....lol...woke up feeling really sleeeeeepy...but i'm happy many ppl remember me...XD
mass at 8.00a.m. celebrated by bishop...similar sermon as last nite...anyway...after mass went to central market with mommy to shop for what we're gonna eat tonite...(actually i waited in the car and mommy went marketing 'cuz there was no parking...lol)...after that came back home i online for a while...then helped mommy cook and the clean the house till i was exhausted...zzz...so sleepy man...zzz...(by the way, i helped prepare the spices and i can tell you dun mess with the onions...lol).
after i took a shower felt better...went out with daddy to da bao some food then came back get ready for my party...okay well...the party was...dunno...okay? bored? i just hope those who came dun regret it lo...
anyway...lol...i played a bit on the piano teach allen and shauder how to play the thrill from one end of the piano to the other using the thumb finger nail...okay guys...be careful 'cuz i just realised my nail bleeds a little...lol...
so...how was today? overall...i'm glad it happened...=)
and dear mr sunshine...i'm gonna need you in full force tomorrow...lol...don't worry...i have confidence in you...XD
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
i remember...
once, there was a little girl...someone told her her mommy is ugly...the little girl felt angry and hurt...to show that someone how hurt she was...she punched him in the face...then she went back and tell her mommy what she did...
oh...sorry...that little girl was me...
i was just wondering...will i have the guts to do that again when someone said bad things about someone i really care about?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
christmas party present...jigsaw puzzle...zzz...i always get jigsaw puzzle...lol...last time is Final Fantasia de...
house prepared for home mass...
today we have home mass...Father Vergeer celebrated the mass...it was just a short and simple affair...juz a few close friends around...i helped played keyboard...we sang some Christmas songs...after that we ate...it was like that i guess...
suddenly realised that we have very few priests left...anyone wanna offer their lives to God help Him serve? felt sad suddenly...
Jesus please bless our priests and please i pray for more vocations to the priesthood...
29.12.09
what happened...
all in a rush i still need time to take my breath...
everything dashed...
i'm gonna need time...
i'm hiding from the world now...
if you want me i'm not here...
Sunday, December 27, 2009
random
sunshine through the rain...IT'S A RAINBOW!!!
wow...did you see it? it's God promise...
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT SOON...=)
Friday, December 25, 2009
chinese tea?
Chinese tea in coffee mug...lol...pretty mug...=)
oh wow...i've just realised that these days i'm having a hell of an allergy scratching non-stop...lol...it's these days that i drank chinese tea!!
what? i'm allergic to chinese tea? no way man...who'd ever heard of anyone allergic to chinese tea...zzz...and besides...i love tea and coffee...XP
oh well...gonna spend my last day (starting today) here in kuching then it's home sweet home...six more days and this year's gonna end just like that...new year resolutions that i've thought? well...a few...
~ laugh more
~ cry more
~ love more
~ play more...lol...
~ take more risk...
~ say what i think more...
~ sing more...etc...
lol...juz one conclusion needed i guess...LIVE MORE! i used to worried about lotsa unnessecary things i guess...think too much to act in time before the chance pass away...scared about what i do and dun do...cared too much about what people think...
juz thought what if i die tonite and i never had the chance to do all the things i wanna do...lol...juz like some of the stories i read in books or seen in the movies...ha...that'll be a great pity i'm sure...X]
lol...enough of these morbid thoughts...XP...trust in God and i'm sure nothing will go wrong...=)
Christmas Day...
zzz...dog tired...
woke up pretty early to go for Christmas Day mass at the carmelite church...sermon touched me...lol...so i guess i dun need my miracle when i've much more than that...XD
went for breakfast then shopping then lunch then continued shopping...lol...first time i walked this much i'm so proud of myself...haha...XP
i've remember a story my mom once told me...about a kid and his mom who went to a shop...the shop owner saw the cute kid and wanna give him some sweets...so he asked him to get himself on the counter...but the kid just look at him...then the shop owner thought the kid was shy so he asked him to take again...but same reaction from the kid...then finally the shop owner himself grab a handful of sweets and put it all into the kid's hands...
when outside the shop, the mom asked the kid why didn't he take it when the shop owner asked...the kid replied, "but mommy, if i take the sweets myself, the i can only take a few with my small hands...but if the shop owner gave me, he can take more sweets 'cuz his hands are bigger, and i'll have more sweets...we have to be patient..."
lol...moral of the story is sometimes when we take something or want something, we can only get as much as we could...but if God chose to gave us, He can give us even more than we asked for...=)
oh well...not the sermon today juz the story i remembered suddenly...lol...sermon was about Christmas spirit and helping others...
anyway...gotta go get some rest now 'cuz going out later...zzz...c ya...XP
